The Beauty of the Moment by Tanaz Bhathena

Author:Tanaz Bhathena
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (BYR)

* * *

I head to my usual spot by the stairs for lunch, even though it’s beginning to feel like the inside of a fridge whenever I step outdoors.

“I have some homework,” I tell Preeti and Heather when they invite me to join them in the cafeteria. It’s not a lie, really. It’s quieter on the steps than in the lunchroom. It’s not like I’m hoping to see someone else here.

“No distractions,” I whisper.

I’m trying to read Alias Grace, the novel we’ve been assigned after midterms, but after staring at the same paragraph for ten minutes, I decide to put it away. I pull out my calculus problem set instead … and end up doodling a pair of giant eyes weeping heart-shaped tears in the margins of my binder, right over a skinny, big-eyed cat that looks far too depressed to be cute.

“Ugh.”

I flip over my pencil and have begun erasing the drawing when my phone vibrates in my coat pocket. A Skype-to-Skype audio call. I stare at the caller’s name on-screen, fumble for a few seconds before answering, praying she doesn’t hang up.

“Hel—”

“Are you trying to make me cry, you idiot?” Alisha does sound like she’s sniffing a bit. Though that could be a cold. “I heard your voice message. Suzy, I’m sorry I said those things to you—”

“I’m sorry, too,” I cut in. “I don’t want us to be mad at each other anymore.”

Which is true. But there’s more.

“If I get mad at you for making a few changes, I’m only being a hypocrite.” I tell her about the fight I had with Malcolm, Afrin’s invitation, the party—and what happened after.

“Holy fudgy falooda.” There’s a long silence from Alisha’s end. “I … have no words for this.”

“I know. It was stupid.”

“Maybe. But then, what’s the point of being human if you can’t do stupid things every once in a while?”

The knot in my stomach loosens. “Did your guy, Isaac Cherian, tell you that?”

“He’s not my guy, yet. I mean, we barely even talked that day. He asked for my number though and we’ve been chatting through texts.”

“Ooooooooh.”

“Stop that, goof.” But I can hear the grin in her voice. “We’re meeting again on Friday at Emerald’s house. Her mom’s hosting a potluck.”

After the terrible weekend I had, the annoyance I feel on hearing Emerald’s name barely registers. “Will you tell me what happens after?”

“Of course! Though don’t expect anything major with the chaperones lurking around. Anyway, forget about that, you need to tell me what’s happening with Malcolm now. Did you two kiss and make up already?”

“We’re only friends, Alisha! Or were friends. He isn’t talking to me. I think he’s still mad about the stuff I said before.”

“Well, have you talked to him the way you’re talking to me now? Texts don’t count.”

I say nothing for a long moment. The idea of apologizing to Malcolm the way I did to Alisha makes me feel uncomfortable. Exposed in ways I’m not used to.

“What if he rejects me?” What if

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